Coffee? WTF. I hate coffee and caffeine.

Coffee sucks!

Every time I drink a cup it comes straight out my ass in about 25 minutes. I'm practically shitting coffee. That's just the first thing. Why do I feel incredibly anxious and like absolute shite for the next 3 or four hours after I've drank the damn thing? Is this supposed to be the 'awake' feeling that makes coffee so great?

I'll drink a tiny ass cup of coffee every now and then, with many milks and sugars, to remind myself of how much coffee sucks. Drink it black? Are you nuts?

Did we all forget that in school we learned that we all drank tea at one time, and liked it? But the Boston Tea Party changed that, and because of our high taxes (without representation) for tea, decided to switch. I can't believed we sacked a boat over tea. We had some big ass balls back then.

Coffee tastes like ass. Seriously. Don't tell me you liked the way it tasted the first time you tried it. You had to add like 6 sugars and mad cream didn't you. Coffee stretches the term 'acquired-taste' to an incredibly new low.

It looks like diarrhea. Sometimes it even has that green tinge like diarrhea too.

Starbucks sucks. Ever want to feel like an idiot? Go to Starbucks and ask for a small. Don't forget to wait over by that circle table thingy and definitely don't try to find a place to sit. All the seats are taken by that guy with the laptop.

A "frappuccino." Don't try to spell it.

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